There is an interesting intersection between relationships, ethics and business-to-business sales that I don't think gets discussed nearly enough.
And it starts with something that sounds almost universally positive:
Building relationships.
We're taught that relationships are fundamental to good business—and they absolutely are.
You want customers who trust you. You want them to enjoy doing business with you. Ideally, some become enthusiastic enough about your company that they recommend you to friends, family and colleagues.
That's the kind of relationship nearly every business wants with its customers.
But something interesting happens when your business becomes the customer.
Suddenly you're the person being courted.
The lunches arrive. Someone remembers your kids' names. They know what you drive, where you went on vacation and that you're thinking about remodeling the kitchen. They're friendly, attentive and genuinely interested in what you're doing.
And sometimes that relationship is completely genuine.
Sometimes it's also part of the sales process.
Usually, if we're being fair, it's a little of both.
The important thing isn't becoming suspicious of everyone who wants to take you to lunch.
It's understanding what a healthy professional relationship should actually produce for your business.
“A good business relationship should make your decisions better—not merely make the person selling to you harder to say no to.”
Relationships Are Part of the Business
I've spent a significant portion of my career working around media, advertising, marketing and business-to-business sales.
Relationship development is a major part of those industries.
Media representatives in particular are commonly taught to research prospective clients, understand their businesses, identify decision-makers and develop relationships with the people controlling advertising budgets.
There's nothing inherently nefarious about that.
In fact, I'd be considerably more concerned about a salesperson who wanted tens of thousands of dollars from my business without bothering to learn anything about it.
Good representatives should know their clients.
They should understand the business, its customers, its challenges and ideally the people running it.
The problem occurs when the relationship itself becomes the product.
I've been the marketing person inside an organization while outside representatives repeatedly attempted to work around me and reach ownership directly. I've sent more versions of “Please direct marketing inquiries to me” than I care to remember.
Why?
Because relationships create access.
Access creates opportunities.
And opportunities create sales.
Again, that's business.
The question isn't whether your vendors and representatives are trying to develop relationships with you.
They should be.
The question is whether that relationship helps you make better decisions—or makes it more difficult for you to make objective ones.
When Encouragement Becomes Something Else
Years ago, I witnessed an interaction that permanently changed the way I think about this.
A local business was struggling badly.
The owner was understandably frightened. Their business was under tremendous pressure, and they desperately wanted to believe things were about to improve.
During a meeting, a media manager offered exactly what they wanted to hear.
The owner was told how remarkable the business was. How strong they had been. How things were surely about to turn around. How continuing forward was the right decision.
It was warm.
It was encouraging.
It was exactly what that business owner needed emotionally at that moment.
There was only one problem.
The person giving the encouragement didn't believe it.
I knew that because the conversation after the business owner left was dramatically different from the conversation we'd just had with them.
That bothered me then.
It bothers me now.
Not because encouragement has no place in business.
It absolutely does.
Running a business can be lonely, stressful and occasionally terrifying. There's nothing wrong with someone sitting across the table saying, “You've got this. Let's figure it out.”
But encouragement stops being helpful when it's used to prevent someone from confronting information they need in order to make a difficult decision.
Especially when the person providing that encouragement financially benefits from the decision being delayed.
“Support should help you face reality—not make reality easier to avoid.”
Beware of the Professional Cheerleader
There are wonderful sales representatives, vendors and consultants out there.
I've worked with many of them.
They care about their clients. They'll push back against their own companies when something isn't right. They'll recommend spending less when spending more doesn't make sense. And sometimes they'll tell a customer, “I don't think you should buy this.”
Those people are worth keeping.
But there's another kind of professional relationship business owners should recognize.
I call it the professional cheerleader.
Everything you're doing is fantastic.
Every idea has tremendous potential.
The next campaign is going to change everything.
Business is right around the corner.
You just need to keep going.
And, coincidentally, keep buying.
That's an intoxicating relationship when you're running a business.
Because business owners don't receive an unlimited supply of reassurance.
So when someone arrives regularly, asks about your family, takes you to lunch, tells you how talented you are and assures you that success is just around the corner, it's very easy for the relationship to become valuable for reasons that have almost nothing to do with the product they're selling.
That's when something worth examining has happened.
You may stop evaluating the vendor and start protecting the relationship.
I've watched businesses continue spending money on products and services they privately admitted weren't producing what they needed because they liked—and sometimes genuinely cared about—the person selling them.
That's human.
It's also expensive.
Your Consultant Should Be More Like a Personal Trainer
So what does a healthy consulting relationship look like?
For me, the best comparison is a good personal trainer.
A good trainer wants you to succeed.
They encourage you.
They recognize progress.
They probably get to know you pretty well along the way.
But when you're halfway through a set and announce that eight repetitions seems perfectly adequate today, they're probably not going to say:
“Mike, I think that's wonderful. Eight is an amazing number. You should be incredibly proud of yourself.”
They're going to point at the weights.
“Two more.”
That's their job.
A good consultant should operate from a similar place.
They should recognize what you're doing well.
They should encourage good ideas.
They should celebrate genuine wins.
But they also need to be willing to tell you:
This isn't working.
You're spending too much here.
Your message isn't clear.
Your customers aren't responding to this.
This proposal doesn't make sense.
You're solving the wrong problem.
Or occasionally:
Don't spend the money.
That last one can be particularly revealing.
If every conversation with someone who sells you professional services eventually concludes with you purchasing more professional services, it may be worth asking why.
“The person advising your business should be willing to give advice that doesn't benefit them.”
Candor Is Part of the Service
Candor doesn't mean being rude.
It doesn't mean walking into someone's business and gleefully compiling a list of everything they're doing wrong.
And it certainly doesn't mean a consultant is automatically correct simply because they're willing to say something unpleasant.
Good consulting requires listening, evidence, experience and enough humility to recognize when you don't have all the information.
But once the information points somewhere?
Say it.
That's part of what a business is paying for.
An outside consultant has something extraordinarily valuable that people inside an organization gradually lose:
distance.
You live inside your business every day.
You've invested money in it.
You've invested time in it.
You've probably sacrificed evenings, weekends and pieces of your sanity for it.
Naturally, you're going to have blind spots.
The value of bringing someone in from outside isn't simply getting another person to tell you that everything looks terrific.
It's getting another set of experienced eyes willing to ask:
“Have you considered that this might be the problem?”
Friendly Is Great. Useful Is Better.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking the people you do business with.
In fact, I strongly recommend it.
Life is considerably too short to spend hours sitting across conference tables from people you can't stand.
Have lunch.
Talk about the kids.
Tell stories.
Laugh.
Build real relationships.
Just don't confuse the quality of the relationship with the quality of the advice.
At some point, every professional relationship should survive one very simple question:
Is this making my business better?
Maybe the answer is increased revenue.
Maybe it's reduced costs.
Maybe it's better creative, stronger communication, smarter decisions, fewer mistakes or simply a clearer understanding of where you're headed.
The return doesn't always fit neatly into a spreadsheet.
But there should be one.
Because the healthiest business relationships aren't built by people who tell you what you want to hear.
They're built by people you trust enough to hear when they don't.
“If you're paying for expertise, make sure you're getting more than applause.”